Cow.

So I discovered some horrible facts about myself this morning. The cleanse book told me to record my weight and measurements before I start (I recorded them after I started, but barely). I'm 5'4" (which I knew, duh), but I never weigh myself for fear of what I'll see. Here's why: 150 lbs. GAH!!!! I remember about 4 years ago I was 125!!! And I was upset about THAT! I swear! Moving out of my parents' house made me fat! I was so sick of seeing them that I would hide out in my room and not even come out to eat! Now I love my living companions and the kitchen has stuff I like (since I bought them) so I eat! Damn it. That and having a desk job helped get me where I am today: a cow.

::sigh:: So THAT'S at least incentive for going through with this. I'll lose weight and hopefully get a new healthier appetite. They say you gain back roughly half of what you lost right away, but the rest will stay away if you eat healthy...damn, I thought I was still 140, so I thought, if I lost 20 and gained back 10, I'd be good! Now I'll just be the weight I thought...IF I make it!

I swear I cannot think of anything — ANYTHING — but food!!! I have gone a day here or there where I've barely eaten, but now all I can think about is all the food I can't have for the next two weeks! Chinese food, pasta, hamburgers (especially on the Fourth of July which is coming up this week)...

I'm also worried b/c I think I'm going to be on the rag in a few days, so that's going to make this even worse!

So I went to my parents' and a few stores before, and twice I went to the bathroom b/c I felt like I had to poo, but nothing came out... so that's good. I just hope it doesn't last as long as it did today in the coming days. Oh, and my pee is clear already!

The 2nd, 3rd & 7th (I don't know why) are supposedly the rough days, so I've got a rough time of it the next two days...keep your fingers crossed for me! I'm taking Monday off, so hopefully the 4th day will be tolerable...